I live at my school, and there isn no internet in the building I live in, so I’m hardly here anymore. I’ve been weak about food. People eat candy and shit all the time here, and it’s impossible to avoid. But I haven’t gained much. I go up and down just slightly. But I’m back on track now. I found a good rule to follow: eat nothing solid. All nourishment has to be liquid. So, I mostly, I got tea and 17kcal tomato soups to live on. Feeling optimistic… apart from the fact that all the girls here are so skinny.
I’m sorry about that. It’s just been so much to take in, so much to do, relations to make, friendships to nourish. And also, I don’t have internet in the building I live in, so I hardly ever care to bring my computer to the other building to be lazy online.
What’s terrible, though, is I lost my control after I arrived there. Everyone’s been eating candy and unhealthy food all the time, and I started doing it too, because we don’t have a food scale there so I can’t measure how many calories I eat in every meal, so I go blind about how much I eat, a I got depressed, and that’s when I really switch to binge eating. And also, I’ve gained a bit of weight. Hate. I hope I can gain back control and start losing. I’ve been home for the autumn break and I’ve gained a bit of that sense of control and I will try to bring it back “home” to my school.
It’s killing me.